Mark's Fire-Roasted Salsa Blog
Here's a little corner of the Internet where I write about one of my many loves: salsa. Not the dance... I'm
talking about the
stuff that you carry into your mouth via chip or spoon. I love spicy foods but don't really have a face or personality
for YouTube, so I figured I'd try my hand at writing funny articles about the
new salsas I try.
Do you have a salsa you want me to rate? Do you make salsa that you want me to try? Drop me an email
at mburger2 at gmail (put "salsablog" in the subject).
Salsas on this blog are rated according to their flavor, viscosity, and heat on
a scale from 1 (boo!) to 5 (ultimate salsa utopia). Each of those elements are then averaged equally
to generate an overall score. Here's a breakdown for what I mean by each:
- Flavor: In short, does it taste good? Is there any taste to this goo, or is it bland. If it's
not bland, is it a one-note fart or a symphony? Ideally, salsa should carry some spiciness,
but also other flavors... something to make it unique and memorable.
- Viscosity: Here's an interesting one-- salsa shouldn't be too watery, nor should it be diced tomatoes.
Salsa is defined as a "sauce", therefore the ideal viscosity is neither a conglomeration of solids, nor a liquid.
I'll be testing these salsas with chips. The goal is to have a minute amount of leftover liquid at the end
(i.e. not too watery that it's chip-inaccessable) and little or no solid bits (this is salsa, afterall, not dip).
I'll be mixing and stirring each sample for maximum fairness, even though, in real life at a party,
it'd likely be sitting around. We're going for optimal conditions.
- Heat: Ideally, salsa would melt my face off, disintegate my digestive tract, and leave my body
as I'm laying prone on my bathroom floor crying. Such salsa doesn't exist, nor should a salsa get a higher
ranking in this category for being merely pure capsaicin. Instead, this blog treats heat by answering the
question: is the goop in my mouth as hot as it's described on the bottle?
Enough rowdydow, let's get to it...
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